Dear Nature

I actually enjoyed spending some time with you yesterday, though painful at first I quickly adjusted to you. Your not so bad. I actually think i might like to spend some time with you again in the future. Thanks for the memories.

Until we meet again,
JD

A taste of the real world...

For the first time in a long while I feel like I've awaken from a deep dark adcenter burnout and smackdown. I think I'm going to have a book,and I think I may have a future. I think I may have a life soon and maybe even a job. I also think I need to ride this high out as long as I can before I get slammed down again. Hence this post.

If Vanessa Huxtable went to Brandcenter...

She'd be a whiny little B*- the whole time. Everyone would hate working with her cause all she would do is complain. Except she'd always bring Jello pudding pops for everyone in her meetings cause she would get them free from all her fictitional father's endorsements. We'd like that. We'd also like it when she'd organize everyone together on the stairs and have us perfrom lip syncing routines to James Brown and Ray Charles songs for Boyko and his wife. Although she would always get jealous when Sruti would steal the show with her lip syncing and dancing solos cause she's so adorable. No one would notice Vanessa again til the next pudding pop meeting came around. If Vanessa Huxtable went to Brandcenter.

If Michael Bolton went to Brandcenter...

He would be the best singer there. Besides Anthony. His soft rock ballads would cruise through the cafeteria air, filling everyone's eardrums with sweet melodic pleasure. He'd also be the best brand manager to work with because he'd sing passionate love songs about each of his brands for presentations. Everything would be going along swimmingly until he was put in a group with Capocelli and they spent the entire time arguing over who had the best hair, which would eventually end in tears with both of them, until they stopped crying long enough to look deeply into each others eyes and fall maddly in love. Their love would overpower them and he would stop singing at school. He'd convice her to drop out and elope at his cabin in wyoming where they would eventually have 4 kids. All with wild curly hair and gut wrenchingly fierce tenor voices. No one would miss him. If Michael Bolton went to Brandcenter.

Tales From My Childhood Vol I

In second grade my mom drove my two friends Adam and Megan and I to the mall where they were auditioning contestants for America's Funniest People. The one hosted by Dave Coulier aka Joey Gladstone from Full House. Not to be confused the America's Funniest Home Videos which was hosted by Bob Saget, aka Danny Tanner, also from Full house, making distiction between the shows annoyingly difficult and meaning for both of them to exist even more inane. We weren't planning on auditioning, just spectating. But in the car ride we decided to try and come up with something hilarious to audition with, and we would wing it. We ended up singing a remixed rendition of "Stop in the Name of Love" with lyrics alterd to "Buckle up in the Name of he Law." A PSA about driving safety. We auditioned. It wasn't funny.

OK but seriously...

Stop saying sort of.

If Kris Kross went to Brandcenter

They'd be an inseparable duo of copywriter and retirwypoc. Not because they would work well together but because no one else would want to work with either of them cause they write everything so that you can only read if you hold it up to a mirror. Plus they would present everything in rap. Rick would conclude that they're dyslexic and hire Gaurav to tutor them because he knows english better than anyone else here. At least that's what it said in the mailer. The three of them would join forces and with some sort of twisted magic and nonsensical rhythm they'd create a book that somehow wasn't wickedy wickedy wack. If Kris Kross went to Brandcenter.