Tales From My Childhood Vol I

In second grade my mom drove my two friends Adam and Megan and I to the mall where they were auditioning contestants for America's Funniest People. The one hosted by Dave Coulier aka Joey Gladstone from Full House. Not to be confused the America's Funniest Home Videos which was hosted by Bob Saget, aka Danny Tanner, also from Full house, making distiction between the shows annoyingly difficult and meaning for both of them to exist even more inane. We weren't planning on auditioning, just spectating. But in the car ride we decided to try and come up with something hilarious to audition with, and we would wing it. We ended up singing a remixed rendition of "Stop in the Name of Love" with lyrics alterd to "Buckle up in the Name of he Law." A PSA about driving safety. We auditioned. It wasn't funny.

OK but seriously...

Stop saying sort of.

If Kris Kross went to Brandcenter

They'd be an inseparable duo of copywriter and retirwypoc. Not because they would work well together but because no one else would want to work with either of them cause they write everything so that you can only read if you hold it up to a mirror. Plus they would present everything in rap. Rick would conclude that they're dyslexic and hire Gaurav to tutor them because he knows english better than anyone else here. At least that's what it said in the mailer. The three of them would join forces and with some sort of twisted magic and nonsensical rhythm they'd create a book that somehow wasn't wickedy wickedy wack. If Kris Kross went to Brandcenter.

If Cookie Monster went to Brancenter...

He'd be disgusted by the lack of cookies the new building offers and develop an affinity for consuming massive quantities of fake ads. He'd stand at the color printers and wait till a delicious fake ad was printed and then ravagingly consume it with a noise that could only be duplicated by Tim Gordon's vocal chords. Soon no one would be able to print anymore and Leslie Buker would get into a huge fight with him in the print room. Rob would intervene and the room would erupt in chaos with yelling screaming crumpling and eating and would eventually end in giggling amongst Leslie and Rob. Cookie would continue his craft and ignore them. If Cookie Monster went to Brandcenter.

If Jessie Spano went to Brandcenter

She would constantly be saying, "There's never any time!" and would get all doped up on caffeine pills so she could stay up late and work on her fake ads that are due the next day in Wayne's class. She'd have a nervous breakdown and Nick would come by and say "hey what about this idea." And she'd suddenly realize that their friendship was far deeper and more meaningful than fake ads. She'd then come up with a radical repositioning campaign for Buddy Bands and Wayne would ask her if it's a "reminder campaign." We would laugh and talk about what happenend behind her back. Then Josh would call her "mama" and she'd get all huffy and slap him. If Jessie Spano went to Brandcenter.

Feeling blue? Just think of a happy place.

It's time to play what's the caption?

"Before you push him, can I borrow a quarter?"

The best thing that's happened today...