Safety. An Important Thing.

Note to self

You rarely get inspiration from sitting on the couch.

With a Slanket on.

My increasing concern for the state of my relationship with meat Vol I

Growing up I had a very healthy relationship with meat. I lived in a meat eating house, with meat eaters. I ate meat everyday, sometimes more than once. Meat and I were a-ok.

Somewhere along the line, things shifted. Maybe it was the increasing number of vegetarian friends I've made/lived with, or my change in taste, or this: http://bacontoday.com/turbaconducken-turducken-wrapped-in-bacon/ , but I just don't care for it the way I used to.

The thing is, I'm not concerned about the fact that I'm consuming less meat, but that everytime I eat something, meat-centric or otherwise, I think about it. I would guess that on average I think about meat approximately 66% more of the time than I used to.

(based on arbitrary reasoning and numbers I made up).

Existential Crises and Other Self Discoveries Volume II

Why is it that when I'm concepting and suddenly reach an idea that's decent to good, I then give an exhausted sigh of relief and then spend the next hour on the internet?

Distrust

Should be expected for those who are too extensive with their list of personal interests on facebook.

Existential Crises And Other Self Discoveries Volume I

Mostly all people don't think I'm funny. I think I've been able to mask it for a while with my plan of only maintaining friendships until they are about to realize it and then never speak to them again, but suddenly the comic demands of my new job have completely exposed it to my coworkers once and for all.

And since I can't quit or get fired, I need a new trick. I've already Googled "How to pretend that you're funny to fool your coworkers." Any other suggestions? Thanks.

I'm Changing

I thought for some reason moving to New York and getting a job would be enough to shake me out of the lifestyle and style-style I had for the last two years and open all the doors I need for my next one, but it's not.

So much like that guy I saw in the elevator at work who's toupee was a different color than his below the ear hairline, I need give myself an upgrade. A new haircut, new furniture (like a real bed) a new computer eventually, new music, new interests and even new friends that might not be in advertising. WHAT!!*!&^@@^!. Yes. Not in advertising. WHAT@#*&^!^!@1!. Not in advertising.

Oh.

Slate, don't you dare

The ice cream man runs away from children. And other ice cream men.

He comes by my apartment about every hour. Even at night when he switches from "do your ears hang low" to a remixed nightime club version. There are two of them actually. There's the nice guy who takes his time with the ice cream and serves it with a smile, and mean one who doesn't speak but gives fast service and is $.50 cheaper. I prefer this one.

When I'm bored I do things like

get a job. woops.

I pressed 9.

Remove me from the calling list.

When I'm bored I do things like

Sign up for match.com.

Then they reject my profile.

Would it be wrong

to name your child Ice Cream Sandwiches?

Today I eat chips for dinner

Because I can. That's why.

I'm I going to enjoy it? Yes.
Am I going to regret it? Yes.
Am i going to feel bad about myself? Yes. But not right now.

Anyone Want to Buy a Car?

On July 1st I'll be leaving good ole Richmond and moving with Slate into our new, surprisingly decent apartment in Williamsburg. Brooklyn. Not Colonial.

That being the case, I need to sell my car.

Since I've never sold a car before and don't really know how to do it, it would be very helpful if one of the two of you that read this blog would just buy it from me. It has four wheels and a steering wheel, and it looks kind of like the picture only not at all. Oh and it has a sweet tape deck. Price is very negotiable, but I prefer more money than you want to pay.

Thanks!

Today I paid $10 so I could write on this blog

The internet's not free you know.

When I'm bored I do things like

Learn the entire dance sequence to Thriller.

Attn: Creative Directors

I know it's a risk to hire a junior. What if they oversell and under perform? What if they lack the ingenuity that comes from years of experience? What if they smell bad?

It's ok. We've all been there.

Why, just today I took the risk of ordering coffee from what I thought was a reputable coffee shop, Shockoe Espresso.

Mistakes happen.

The problem with blogging

Is that people expect you to write something they want to read. Any day now that will happen.

Fanta

Dear Nature

I actually enjoyed spending some time with you yesterday, though painful at first I quickly adjusted to you. Your not so bad. I actually think i might like to spend some time with you again in the future. Thanks for the memories.

Until we meet again,
JD

A taste of the real world...

For the first time in a long while I feel like I've awaken from a deep dark adcenter burnout and smackdown. I think I'm going to have a book,and I think I may have a future. I think I may have a life soon and maybe even a job. I also think I need to ride this high out as long as I can before I get slammed down again. Hence this post.

If Vanessa Huxtable went to Brandcenter...

She'd be a whiny little B*- the whole time. Everyone would hate working with her cause all she would do is complain. Except she'd always bring Jello pudding pops for everyone in her meetings cause she would get them free from all her fictitional father's endorsements. We'd like that. We'd also like it when she'd organize everyone together on the stairs and have us perfrom lip syncing routines to James Brown and Ray Charles songs for Boyko and his wife. Although she would always get jealous when Sruti would steal the show with her lip syncing and dancing solos cause she's so adorable. No one would notice Vanessa again til the next pudding pop meeting came around. If Vanessa Huxtable went to Brandcenter.

If Michael Bolton went to Brandcenter...

He would be the best singer there. Besides Anthony. His soft rock ballads would cruise through the cafeteria air, filling everyone's eardrums with sweet melodic pleasure. He'd also be the best brand manager to work with because he'd sing passionate love songs about each of his brands for presentations. Everything would be going along swimmingly until he was put in a group with Capocelli and they spent the entire time arguing over who had the best hair, which would eventually end in tears with both of them, until they stopped crying long enough to look deeply into each others eyes and fall maddly in love. Their love would overpower them and he would stop singing at school. He'd convice her to drop out and elope at his cabin in wyoming where they would eventually have 4 kids. All with wild curly hair and gut wrenchingly fierce tenor voices. No one would miss him. If Michael Bolton went to Brandcenter.

Tales From My Childhood Vol I

In second grade my mom drove my two friends Adam and Megan and I to the mall where they were auditioning contestants for America's Funniest People. The one hosted by Dave Coulier aka Joey Gladstone from Full House. Not to be confused the America's Funniest Home Videos which was hosted by Bob Saget, aka Danny Tanner, also from Full house, making distiction between the shows annoyingly difficult and meaning for both of them to exist even more inane. We weren't planning on auditioning, just spectating. But in the car ride we decided to try and come up with something hilarious to audition with, and we would wing it. We ended up singing a remixed rendition of "Stop in the Name of Love" with lyrics alterd to "Buckle up in the Name of he Law." A PSA about driving safety. We auditioned. It wasn't funny.

OK but seriously...

Stop saying sort of.

If Kris Kross went to Brandcenter

They'd be an inseparable duo of copywriter and retirwypoc. Not because they would work well together but because no one else would want to work with either of them cause they write everything so that you can only read if you hold it up to a mirror. Plus they would present everything in rap. Rick would conclude that they're dyslexic and hire Gaurav to tutor them because he knows english better than anyone else here. At least that's what it said in the mailer. The three of them would join forces and with some sort of twisted magic and nonsensical rhythm they'd create a book that somehow wasn't wickedy wickedy wack. If Kris Kross went to Brandcenter.

If Cookie Monster went to Brancenter...

He'd be disgusted by the lack of cookies the new building offers and develop an affinity for consuming massive quantities of fake ads. He'd stand at the color printers and wait till a delicious fake ad was printed and then ravagingly consume it with a noise that could only be duplicated by Tim Gordon's vocal chords. Soon no one would be able to print anymore and Leslie Buker would get into a huge fight with him in the print room. Rob would intervene and the room would erupt in chaos with yelling screaming crumpling and eating and would eventually end in giggling amongst Leslie and Rob. Cookie would continue his craft and ignore them. If Cookie Monster went to Brandcenter.

If Jessie Spano went to Brandcenter

She would constantly be saying, "There's never any time!" and would get all doped up on caffeine pills so she could stay up late and work on her fake ads that are due the next day in Wayne's class. She'd have a nervous breakdown and Nick would come by and say "hey what about this idea." And she'd suddenly realize that their friendship was far deeper and more meaningful than fake ads. She'd then come up with a radical repositioning campaign for Buddy Bands and Wayne would ask her if it's a "reminder campaign." We would laugh and talk about what happenend behind her back. Then Josh would call her "mama" and she'd get all huffy and slap him. If Jessie Spano went to Brandcenter.

Feeling blue? Just think of a happy place.

It's time to play what's the caption?

"Before you push him, can I borrow a quarter?"

The best thing that's happened today...

Kudos Goodby and North Kingdom

This is why I love advertising even more than Mario Party.

A review from Contagious:
Web developers have been reveling in the potential that broadband's
faster load times offer. The California Milk Processing Board
stretched the frontiers of the web with gettheglass.com, built by
Swedish whiz kids North Kingdom and backed by an integrated
campaign from Goodby Silverstein & Partners. The site boasts
beautiful graphics that wouldn’t be out of place in the latest
commercial games releases coupled with a compelling narrative,
urging gamers to overcome a series of challenges while moving along
a board game grid towards a life-giving glass of milk. The site boasted
lengthy dwell times of up to 30 minutes at weekends and deservingly
gained a Gold Cyber Lion at Cannes. See Contagious 11 for a full
review and demo of the site.

Play it at: www.gettheglass.com

Bravo Taxi

One of the 'goodest' ideas I've seen in a while.

www.15belowproject.org

On Architecture...

Artists are told to be inspired by three things. Art (duh), fashion and architecture. I've never really been inspired by the third, and always hated looking at buildings. They're buildings. Big deal. But after my trip to London and Paris this break I've had a breakthrough. That yes, buildings are just buildings on their own. They are beautiful on there own. But for the first time ever was actually able to be inspired because of the environment they create. From the culture architecture breeds.

London was extremely clean. Pristine. The people were flawless. There are no ugly people in London. No sweatpants, pajamas, track suits or ill fitting sloppy clothes. Everyone was polished and put together. The street fashion trendy and forward but never forced. Tailored designer jeans, hot shoes and boots, and not a single nylon jacket. Just coats. And impecably tied scarves. And all of this was a function of the architecture that surrounded them.

Now, I don't know anything about architecture technically, but I did feel something when I was in that city. Everything was low. Old. beautifully sculpted with solid angles, checkard patterns, light colors. All of this somehow reflected the people, or rather the people reflected it. Polished, quiet, dignified, light, yet beautiful and well put together.

If this is making any sense, please continue reading.

In paris, the buildings here were more fragile, decorative. Points and curves. Round corners and wrought iron rails. It created a much more gritty, raw yet beautiful and incredibly rich environment. The people were much more diverse, more unique and distinguishable. The ugly were ugly, the good looking beautiful. The dress, dark. Eclectic. Rough, but with polished shoes. And so was the environment they lived in. Gritty, rugged, to the point, blunt, ugly beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful.

To beat a dead horse, New York: Obnoxiously tall, loud, dirty, macho, strong, ever adapting, confident. Buildings or people?

So I feel now what architecture means to an artist. At least my interpretation. It's not about the buildings on their own and how beautiful they are. Everyone can see that side of it. It's about the reflection onto us as it creates the environment we live in and breeds the culture we adopt.

You get the idea, hopefully.

I get it. Duh.